The funniest people in the world

If I ever somehow become a sitcom writer, I'll just put listening devices in the common area rooms of US military barracks, and eavesdrop on the Soldier conversations. These guys are the funniest people on the face of the Earth, and they come up with stuff so quickly and effortlessly. I am quite amazed. I suppose it's because they have lives. This is a bit of what I've gleaned from sitting on the edge of a Soldier conversation last night at KIA:

• The three most common names for Afghan boys are Mohammad, Abdul, and Scott.
• Afghans are great at chess, but terrible at cards.
  "I have cards! I win."
  "But you only have three cards in your hand, and we're playing five-card stud."
• The whole concept of the game of Monopoly is completely foreign to them.
  "I must buy house? I can't just kill my neighbor and take his house?"
  In all fairness, they do have a legitimate point. Really now, who would live in a green-colored house?

One of the Soldiers was a Canadian citizen serving in the US Army (completely legal, though that surprises some people). They were ragging on his Canadianness (is that right? or is it Canadianosity?). Did you know that it is illegal to buy pizza by the slice in Canada? "Yes, I'll have 200 grams of pizza, please." They mocked him until he threatened to send a loon to peck out their eyes.

I defy any six Hasty Pudding alumni to generate this much quality material in such a short period of time, largely without trying. This is one of several reasons I've stayed in service this long. Oh, with this last pay period, my service odometer rolled over to 20 years. Egad.